Hi! We’re Linus and Katie (writing as James and Elizabeth) from right here in Bonners Ferry and we are writing to all the young people out there who are mystified and confused by the opposite gender.We are diving into questions surrounding dating and dealing with the opposite sex. We will each interview multiple friends and acquaintances every week to bring an overview of how both men and women feel about different topics.
Our goal is to give sound, godly advice about men, women and the dealings between them. We hope you enjoy our first article; there will be more to follow!
Should the man always buy?
By James Ashley
A guy’s perspective:
Paying for a meal can seem like a small enough thing at first glance but in fact a guy or even a girl’s response to the bill on the table can make a crucial first impression that can set the mood of an entire relationship.
To get to the bottom of why such a small thing can have such importance we have to dig down to the very fundamentals of a male/female relationship: in the traditional family the man and woman have very different (though equally important) roles.
In this situation we’ll focus on the man’s role which is primarily to protect and provide. When thinking about a date or night out as a sort of “tryouts” for marriage it becomes apparent that the man (if he wants to get through tryouts successfully) needs to show his woman that he is willing and able to do his job.
To answer the question simply: Does the man always have to pay on a date? No, of course not. But if he wants there to be a second date he better think long and hard before asking the waiter to split it. It’s less a question of what you have to do and more a matter of how much does this girl mean to you? Sure if you’re picking up snacks before a movie it might be perfectly acceptable for you each to pay for your own snacks. But if you want to show her you’re serious about being her man then I’m sure you’ll be able to find some extra cash in your wallet.
What can the ladies take away from all this? Sometimes it can be tempting to try and take your own bill out of courtesy. Give him this little victory. If a guy is trying to show you he cares, refusing his offer can be a dagger to the heart.
First impressions do matter. Make sure you give the right one whether that means subtly communicating that there will not be a second date or letting her know that you know your place as her servant and protector.
Should the man always buy?
By Elizabeth Kate
A girl’s perspective:
When it comes to the art of winning a woman, it is important to remember that her actual needs are very little in comparison to her standards.
Does she NEED a man to buy her dinner? Probably not. Do her standards say a guy should buy her dinner? Absolutely.
Which begs the question: should the man in a relationship always foot the bill? Most girls can afford to buy themselves a hamburger. Or even a steak dinner. But 100% of girls interviewed for this article said they would absolutely dump any guy on the spot who didn’t pay for dinner on a first date.
A man not paying for dinner on a first date is equivalent to him standing up on the table during the date waving a big red flag. Girls want to be cherished and cared for. Even more, they want to be protected and provided for. And good thing, because men were made with a drive to provide.
A girl does not want to have to ask or beg for care. She wants it offered, even given without asking. If you want to show a lady that you care for her and that you are a man she will be protected by, small things, like buying the meal for her, are a subtle yet important way to convey that intention.
Does she need you to? No. But will she notice if you don’t? Absolutely. Being the man in the relationship demands the role of provider. You should never leave your girl feeling like she has to carry your role or that you don’t care enough to fill it.
The man should always offer to pay the bill, if not assume he will without asking. Ladies, your role in a relationship is not to sit and look pretty. If your man is giving his all to cherish and protect you, you should willingly accept, but that doesn’t mean your job is done.
If you love someone, you should bless them. Take your man out for his birthday and offer to pay the bill in reciprocation of all the times he has. Offer to pay the tip every now and then. Be grateful for the ways he blesses you, but look for ways to bless him back. In short, guys, most girls don’t want your money.
What a girl wants is to know you care and that you are willing to spend your hard-earned paycheck on her, even when she is perfectly capable of buying her own meal. It is the intention, much more than the actual action, that will show a girl that you are willing to compete for her heart and that you intend to win it.
VERY SOLID ADVICE! :a) …ask us – 51-plus years into marriage and STILL LOVING STRONG!