What are the Male Expectations of Valentine’s Day?
By James Ashley
Valentine’s Day is already upon us. Valentine’s Day is often thought of as a day for a man to do something a little extra for his lady. What is not often discussed is what the woman is to do on this day. Sit back and wait for the chocolate to come to her? Well partially yes; as with many of the woman’s roles it requires finesse and grace.
What is expected of the woman on Valentine’s Day?
For the most part the social stereotypes are accurate (as they so often are). As your man should be a gracious giver, you should be a graceful receiver. Show surprise and excitement about whatever he does for you; make sure your man knows how much you value the giving of the gift. The value of the gift itself may be insubstantial or not what you were hoping for. The item itself is not bringing the value here, his time and remembrance is. If you find yourself looking forward to the physical value he is adding to your life and not his presence and attention you should begin reassessing this relationship.
Give him something only he would value that he can remember you by. A note is a great way to do this. If it’s small enough, he can keep it in his wallet, on him all the time. Trust me, this will mean more than anything you can buy him. Make it simple, make it sincere, best of all: make it new. Tell him something you haven’t told him before or say something old in a new way. Give him a reason why this note is special, one he’ll find in the attic in thirty years.
As I said your task on Valentine’s requires much finesse and grace. Your goal is twofold:
- Make him feel special. He needs to know that there’s nothing and no one you’d rather be with than him.
- Let him know how special you feel. If you succeed in this, you’ll succeed in making him feel special. The saying “a man can only be happy when his wife is happy” is meant to be derogatory but there is a real truth in it. If you show your joy and appreciation, he won’t be able to help but feel special. You’re showing him he’s done a good job, that he really is worth your time.
Even though the job of doing this is on the man’s side for Valentine’s Day, you are the focus, the star of the show, and it’s his job to make you shine. The easier you make his job, the better Valentine’s Day you will both have.
What are the Female Expectations of Valentine’s Day?
By Elizabeth Kate
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Hopefully that didn’t come as a shock to anybody in a relationship who’s reading this.
Valentine’s day is a relatively insignificant holiday but is a sweet excuse to make someone you love feel special.
How does one go about this?
I recently asked male friend, who had been married for quite some time, what he thought of Valentine’s Day. His response was “Valentine’s Day is just a day for a man to try not to get in trouble.” I told him that I’m glad I’m not an old, calloused, married person yet. The expectations for what happens on Valentine’s Day are going to change as time goes on and the honeymoon excitement wears off. It will depend on the couple and the stage of relationship they are in. But how does a man “not get in trouble” on Valentine’s Day? What are the expectations a woman has for a man on the holiday? From the women’s point of view, what are the “requirements”?
First of all, a word to the ladies out there, don’t be entitled. That’s all. If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed when you don’t get anything. When a man goes out of his way to do something special for you, don’t be upset when he doesn’t do it quite the way you would have. If you know he cares, and he acts accordingly, don’t ever make him feel as if he could have done better when it comes to something as small as Valentine’s Day.
That said, doing nothing for your girl on Valentine’s Day will not go unnoticed. If you have a stable woman, she will love you regardless of what you do. But, if she loves you, how can you love her back? How are you going to express that she is priceless to you?
This is going to vary from girl to girl obviously. But the bottom line is that on a holiday made to show your love, show your love. If you can convey to your lady that she is special to you and that you love her, at the end of the day you have succeeded. There is no black and white way to do this. But a good place to start is to think about what your girl’s love language is. If you know that, you can more accurately make her feel appreciated. That is never black and white either, but if you have a good idea of whether she would appreciate a gift over a card, whether she would appreciate a date night out at a restaurant over a romantic night at home with just the two of you will go a long way.
There is no formula for how to handle this special day. But here are just a couple tips that could be helpful:
- Girls love flowers. A girl will be extremely flattered if you get her roses. And even more flattered if you know her favorite flower and buy them for her.
- Women appreciate a break from the mundane. Even if you don’t take her out, cooking her a nice dinner so she doesn’t have to cook goes a long way. Give her a chance to dress up if she doesn’t get to often. Find a babysitter so she can have you all to herself for once.
- Girls appreciate the heart behind a gesture more than the actual gesture. If you are trying to be sweet and end up being flat-out cheesy, she will most likely still think it’s super cute. Even if she cringes internally when you say something super sappy, she will smile externally because she loves that you are trying.
- Love letters never go out of style. Girls really do appreciate notes. Some girls more than others of course, but for the most part, seeing your hand-written words of love will be very touching
In short, there is no cookie cutter model for how to “pass” Valentine’s Day. But don’t think of it as a test to prove your worth. Consider it an excuse to prove the other persons. A chance to honor them, to commemorate the things you appreciate in them. The longer you are with someone, the easier it will be to know what they like, and how to do this. But on the flip side, the longer you are with them, the more effort you will have to put in to make them feel cherished. Girls will always feel special if they can tell you spent time planning something. Intentionality will win you a lot of points. You can never go wrong with dinner, flowers and a note. But personalize that to fit the way your girl feels loved, and my friend, you will have this Valentine’s Day in the bag.