Things to Establish Early in a Relationship
By Elizabeth Kate
When getting into a relationship, there are lots of things to consider. For a girl, there are things that are crucial to know before getting into a relationship with someone. Things that may disqualify a suiter, but save her a whole lot of trouble in the long run. Dating is almost like tryouts for marriage, so it is very helpful to discuss some of these important questions before your heart gets too involved.
What are some of the most important things to discuss with a girl before you both let your heart get ahead of your head? What will a girl need confirmation on before she will actively pursue a relationship with you?
1.What is the end goal of the relationship?
This article is written coming from a Christian perspective, in which the goal of a successful relationship will always be marriage. That will be the goal for many girls. They want to see if you are marriage material. This, however, is not always the case. It is very important to understand what someone is looking for in you. A husband? Or a good time? A lifelong commitment? Or a one-night stand? Gentlemen, if you are looking for a wife, be sure the girl you are pursuing has that same goal in mind. It is very difficult to get into a relationship with the intention of changing someone. It rarely works. A girl is interested to know if you want the same things she does.
- Do you share the same beliefs/ values?
Opposites attract. The differences between two people in a relationship often complement each other and make the unit stronger as one. But when it comes to belief systems, the differences can only be so big. Nobody is going to land in the exact same camp when it comes to faith or religion, but when looking for someone to become one flesh with, you better be pretty darn close. A girl is looking for someone to lead her, so naturally she is going to be looking for someone to lead her spiritually. You can both grow immensely if you have minor belief differences, as iron sharpens iron. But if the differences are too vast, they will do much more harm than good. This will be especially true if marriage is down the road, and even truer if children become part of the picture. A woman is looking for someone to lead her spiritually and potentially lead her children spiritually.
- Are there boundaries that need to be set?
When it comes to relationships, the speed at which things move can determine a lot. Letting yourself get attached before you know the relationship is right can be very painful and nearly impossible to undo. Physical affection can significantly speed up the attachment process. It’s important at the beginning to set healthy boundaries as to what each person is comfortable with. Setting boundaries at the beginning is important, as it becomes very hard to set them later on in the relationship. Personally, as a woman, if a man seeking a relationship with me were to ask me what I was comfortable with and what lines I didn’t want to cross before marriage, I would be very impressed. These boundaries apply to physical affection (how far is the other person ok going). For many, especially for a Christian, this boundary is going to be crossed at intimacy before marriage. Marriage is a sacred union that ought to be protected. That is a very important fact to establish up front. But these boundaries can also apply to material things. What is the girl ok doing with you? Where is she ok going? How much time is she willing to spend with you before it becomes taxing? How much family time are you willing to sacrifice to be with this person, or how often are you going to need to still hang out with your friends? All very important things to discuss up front.
There are many important things to discuss and decide as you head into a relationship, but these three are going to be crucial to tackle before a woman will typically feel comfortable getting into a relationship with you.
Things to Establish Early in a Relationship
By James Ashley
We’ve all been told that communication is key in any relationship, and it’s definitely true. But sometimes it can be hard to know what exactly to communicate. Here are the top three things to communicate early on to make sure you’re actually a good match:
- What are your goals for the relationship? Make sure you agree on what you want the relationship to result in. If one of you wants marriage, while the other only wants to “have a little fun”, not only will one of you be very disappointed at some point but you’ll be pulling in different directions, trying to achieve very different things from each other. A relationship should provide you a partner to walk alongside. Make sure you’re both walking the same way.
- What are your personal beliefs and values? If you haven’t already, get to know the other person’s personal beliefs on religion and politics. Again, in a relationship both parties should be of one mind. If you disagree on such fundamental and contentious subjects as religion or politics, it’s almost certainly going to become a wall between you.
- What are your non-negotiables? This question is a kind of extension of question one, with a bit broader potential. The answer to this question will reveal a lot about the person you’re dating. Points they are not willing to budge on are the person’s highest priorities. For example, if they answer with something about their job, you know that their career is likely the most important thing to them. Make sure you have at least some priorities in common.
This list will only get you started down the path of finding if this is the person for you. Keep asking questions and don’t be afraid to back out if they aren’t the right one. It’ll save both of you time, trouble, and heartache later on.
