Moving In?
By James Ashley
Marriage is a big decision. Arguably the biggest decision you’ll make in your life, and you want to be certain you’re making the right choice right? That’s what dating is for. You get to know the person on a deeper level than friendship to make sure that you’re compatible for life. But is there such a thing as being too sure?
Today we’re going to talk about one way people go too far in dating all in the name of being certain they make the right decision: moving in together before marriage. You all know the moral and social reasons people might give for why this is wrong or a bad idea; instead, we’re going to talk about the reasons behind those reasons. A moral or social code is never arbitrary.
What reasoning led to the creation of these moral and social expectations? To the men out there, we’ll start off by establishing why you might want to live with a girl without marrying her.
All roads lead to commitment. Marriage is a commitment, a big one. Dating is finding out if you are ready for that commitment and who you want to make that commitment to. This commitment brings immense joy and many blessings.
By living under the same roof, you’re trying to get a taste of that joy and those blessings without making any real commitment. You’re leaving your options open while still taking as if you’ve given her your all. At this point it should be obvious that this is hurtful to the woman but what’s not quite so obvious yet is how this is harmful for the man.
1. What if this doesn’t work out? What if she’s not the one for you? I don’t think I need to tell you that there are now a lot more knots to untie than there were before. In addition to those knots, if/when you do get married to another woman you’ve now given yourself at least partially to a woman that isn’t your wife and therefore cannot give yourself wholly to the woman you truly love. That knowledge will haunt both of you for your entire life together.
2. She’s not committed to you either. You’re susceptible to your world being torn to pieces just as much as she is. “I know her, she wouldn’t do that to me” you might say. Then why haven’t you married her yet? If she is willing to give you that commitment, why are you not willing to man up and give it back?
3. This will set the tone for the rest of your potential life together. Let’s say everything does work out and you end up getting married at some point. This stage in your relationship has now set the tone for the rest of your 60+ years together. And it’s not a good tone. By making the choice to have a trial run together you’re both telling each other that your love is circumstantial. “I love you now but if we start living together and I don’t like something about you I want to be able to leave. ” By being ok with a trial run marriage your woman is telling you that she loves you based on what you give her or make her feel, not who you are deep at your deepest core.
You don’t have to sleep under the same roof to get to know who someone really is. Love is a choice. Your partner is under the delusion that love is a feeling and if you make them stop feeling it then they don’t want you anymore. Forgetting all moral reasoning, if you or someone you love is even open to the idea of a “trial run” be very wary.
This person doesn’t know real love yet. Teach them with your words and actions what real love is if you ever want to be able to receive it yourself.
Moving In?
By Elizabeth Kate
This week, my counterpart and I would like to discuss a weightier topic that will come up in any serious relationship. When looking for a relationship with intention, and looking for a life-partner, a spouse, and your other half, there are big decisions that need to be made. An important one we’d like to address is this: will you move in together before marriage?
Now, from a Christian perspective, this may seem like a no-brainer. Intimacy was designed for marriage and marriage alone. Period the end. But there are many young christians that see cohabitation as a crucial step to ensure compatibility in marriage. But is it? What are the benefits of living with someone before marrying them? Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. This is a commitment that will have an impact on every future decision you will make.
Moving in with a person before marrying them would give you a clearer picture of what living together for the rest of your lives would be like. This would hopefully minimize the chances of marrying someone who you are incompatible with and save a lot of trouble down the road.
This would provide a “test-drive” experience to showcase what your future life could look like. It seems like a wise step. But all these “perks” considered, the beauty of becoming one-flesh with another person in a marriage covenant far supersedes these.
Ladies, when looking for a spouse, One of the most attractive qualities in a man is his desire to respect you. A man who is willing to make you feel special is great, but a man who honors who you are before God above all else is a real keeper. The way a man handles pre-marital issues demonstrates his character,for better or for worse.
How does he feel about moving in together? And why would cohabitating before marriage be a bad idea?
1.Tempatation Is Real
One view held among some Christians is that you can move in together but abstain from sleeping together. However, as a Christian, or as someone wanting to save yourself for marriage, walking straight into temptation is not going to serve you well. We ask God to lead us not into temptation, and it would be very counter-intuitive to move in with temptation. Ladies, a man who values your purity is worth waiting for. And even if he thinks he can control himself, asking you to enter into temptation with him is not honoring to you.
2. Marriage is Sacred
God set apart the union of marriage above all other unions. His establishment of a “one flesh” marriage is designed to give couples an exclusive, special and intimate relationship different from any other. The excitement of marrying someone, of giving yourself wholly to another is unmatched. A perk exclusive to marriage is getting to have a never ending sleep over with your best friend. Cashing out on that perk before you’re married is claiming something that does not belong to you. If a man is unwilling to wait for this, he is willing to compromise that special exclusivity before you are his and only his. It’s showing you that he is willing to take what isn’t his. You are not his yet, and therefore neither is your body. And every part of yourself you give in a relationship that in the end doesn’t work out, is a part of yourself that you will not be able to fully give to your future spouse.
3. Partial Credit Doesn’t Count
As previously stated, moving in with someone will give you impeccable insight into the other person’s life, which in turn, will show you if you and the other person are compatible. But, if you have to move in with someone to convince yourself that you are compatible for life, you probably are not. A man being willing to move in with you, with the intention of moving out when things don’t work out, is a man setting his future marriage up for failure.
Moving in with someone only to move out is not only impractical, but an extreme pain in the neck. If you are willing to blend lives with another in such an intimate way, but are not ready to marry them, You probably will never be ready to marry them. You are killing time before the inevitable destruction of the relationship.
In short, gals, a man willing to compromise your purity, is a man who does not value who you are before the Lord. A man wanting to move in with you without marrying you, is a man willing to claim the benefits of marriage without committing himself to you. A man being willing to combine lives with you, but also being willing to jump ship if he changes his mind about you, is a man unwilling to seriously commit to you. Ladies, if marriage to your future spouse is valuable to you, protect it and find a man who will also protect it.