Out of Kilter Presents:
It’s a Fine Pickle I’ve Gotten into this Time
By Ken Carpenter
July 11, 2006
I have always loved pickled things. I don’t know it for a fact, but I’m guessing that as a baby, a dill pickle would have been a fine pacifier for me. The craving was passed along to my two boys, who can polish off a jar of almost any pickled food in record time.
It is not a fancy that is unique to our family. Vinegar and the stuff you stick in it is big business and has been since its production was commercialized in 2000 BC.
Not too bad for a substance that was discovered quite by accident more than 10,000 years ago. Imagine the look on the first face when its owner took a big swig of his new batch of wine and got a mouthful of vinegar. It is unlikely that this momentous moment in history was greeted with enthusiasm, but from then on it was an undeniable fact that wine is to grapes what vinegar is to wine.
Vinegar has been used for food preservation since its accidental invention, but the Babylonians were the first to start flavoring it and using it as a condiment, around 5000 BC. Cleopatra used a cup of vinegar to demonstrate her excessive extravagance when she dissolved precious pearls in it and drank it, winning a bet that she could consume a fortune in a single meal. Roman legionnaires drank it as a beverage, and it was undoubtedly one of the earlies medical remedies known to man.
There is no organic substance in the world that can’t be pickled, and the shelf life might almost be unlimited. For proof of that, consider the fate of Rasputin the Mad Monk, the Russian mystic who was murdered in 1916. His sex organ is still pickled and on display in a Russian museum. As might be expected, it is the most popular display.
Hummmm, I think I’ll skip the pickle with my ham sandwich today.
For those of you have been driven to distraction by my disjointed ramblings in the past, you might be pleased to know that my sister is trying to murder me. She is an aficionado of home remedies and has obviously grown tired of my complaints about my supposedly untreatable allergy problems.
She suggested that I whip up concoction of cider vinegar and horseradish three times a day, chew it to liquid, and spend the next hour making horrible faces. Actually, it is not as bad as it sounds to someone with the tastes of a sourpuss. I have also been drinking a cup of water with a couple spoons of vinegar and honey in it every day, in hopes of pickling my innards and melting some blubber.
Vinegar is without a doubt the most versatile substance in the world. Not only is it tasty, but it kills bacteria, soothes aching muscles, absorbs odors, is a dynamite cleaner, and in some circles, it is considered to have no known limit to its capabilities.
As useful as it is though, it is still best as a flavor. I often eat oatmeal with salt, cayenne and a big shot of vinegar in it. Not only does it taste good, but my queasy co-workers turn a nice shade of green when I eat it, an added bonus.
There is a site on the internet where you can buy pickled pig snouts. Even though I like the taste and the slightly rubbery texture of pickled pig’s feet, I haven’t had the nerve to order any snouts yet.
And no, they are not made by a company called Rasputin Incorporated.