When my youngest son was still living at home, he often called me a “hairy old ape” if he found what he thought were too many black hairs stuck to the bathtub. Apparently, he thought I possessed a lot of simian qualities, for he also called me a “smelly old ape” if he walked in the bathroom after I had used it for a certain something other than showering.
I can’t remember what I called him when the roles were reversed, but it was something that included “rotten, stinky, and nasty.” The boy was foul, much worse than a simple member of the ape family.
When my new wife, was carried over the threshold, she immediately insisted on having matches everywhere near the bathroom. The smell of sulfur was apparently the only thing strong enough to protect her delicate nose.
According to Guinness there are over 17,000 different odors categorized in the world. Some folks have really unpleasant jobs. The “smell doctors” claim that two candidates for the most evil stench are ethyl mercaptan (man I’m glad I don’t live with Ethyl but butyl seleno mercaptan, (Ethyl‘s cousin, the skunk.)
I don’t remember seeing any guys in white lab coats looking around my place, but if they had it, it is likely that “the boy” would be listed higher than the odorous mercaptans.
Since 2001, the U.S. government has been trying to invent a stink bomb. They think such a weapon would be an absolute wonder for non-lethally dispersing any local populace that they figure needs scattering based on the assumption that fear and smell are closely related.
So far, if they can be believed (Hah!) they are not happy with the results.
Why not just airdrop 10,000 cases of free chili into the target area and let nature take its course?
There is a substance called “U.S. Government Standard Bathroom Malodor” that is used to test government-issue air fresheners. I can’t imagine how many millions of dollars they spent on it (they could have just hired “the boy,) but it is said to be as repulsively putrid as 50 Texan brother-in-law‘s rolled into one after Thanksgiving dinner.
During World War II, the French resistance came up with the bright idea of destroying German morale by sneakily, spraying them with a noxious substance to make them think they stunk. It was called “Who Me?”, and if the victims ate as much as sauerkraut, they were accused of, they probably considered the spray an improvement.
The largest bloom in the world belongs to the “stinking corpse lily’ from Southeast Asia, a three-foot wide, 15-pound flower that does not come up smelling like roses. I guess the name is a dead giveaway.
Benjamin Franklin once said “Guests, like fish begin to smell after three days.” It has also been said that fish is the only food that is not considered spoiled until it smells like what it is. Those two opinions sound like they have something in common.
The world of smells is not all bad, because it could be that for every reek there is a fragrance. The aroma of fresh baked bread is so good that it can wipe sewer molecules right out of your nostrils. A fresh Christmas tree is another memorable bouquet for the senses, as is the perfume that accompanies, a special first kiss.
A scent can activate vivid memories of all kinds just as a place can trigger an odor that is not really there. The mind is a funny thing.
I smell a joke there, but I can’t put my finger on it.
Maybe if I pull my finger it will help.
