By Ken Carpenter
Last week I made the trek to Moscow in my little, tan truck to perform another beast-of-burden deed in what long ago became a lifelong habit. Like it or not, “Born to Lug” is my fate, and “Hate Lugging Like Poison” is my motto.
Hate it or not, an uncomfortable fact of life for most of us is that if something heavy needs lifted or dragged from Point A to Point B, we will have to do it ourselves. Thought our aching backs will bow and our overloaded knees might wobble, a normal guy would rather cripple himself than pay somebody who is better designed for such an activity.
Contrary to my usual luck, I managed, with help, to get the truck loaded with my son’s stuff in record time and suffered no severe strains. Of course, I creaked even more than usual, to the amusement of all.
It happens that the drive down and back was as boring as the day-old white toast. The radio is broken and I drove alone, with only my own thoughts to accompany me. Yes, I know, that is a terrifying thing, another of my fates.
For some reason that I will never understand, my poor distraction-free brain started focusing on the “nattering nabobs of negativism”, an old Spiro Agnew quote from 1970 that was meant to trash the press. I wasn’t sure what a nabob was, but I assumed it was equivalent to a boob. Not a boob as in “gee, that poor woman fell down and got her nabobs caught in the escalator!”, but a boob as in “That car salesman who promised a free pony to everyone who buys are truck from him is a real nabob.”
It turns out I was wrong, but I like the word so I plan on using it however I want. Nabob is actually used to refer to amerchant leader of high social status and wealth, or a capitalist. It can also be used metaphorically for people who have a grandiose style or manner of speech, as in Agnew’s famous insult.
The last part concerns me a little, because at times I have a taste for words that a more senisble person would skip to choose a shorter word. Does that mean (Horrors!) that I could accurately be described as a nabob? Lordy, I wish I’d never started this.
I naturally prefer to think that a nabob should be used to describe those of wealth and power, and I drive a Nissan so old it won’t beep at you no matter what you do or don’t do. Personally, I like that, it is so anti-nabob to drive a beepless rig.
While gassing up on the way home, after an hour and a half of nabob related thoughts, I got the nozzle in the thank and realized I was freezing. I got my coat out of the truck and while hurriedly zipping it up I glanced over and spied a dude in a $40,000 pickup eyeballing me with a borderline sneer. I got the impression he thought I was a sissy for needing a coat, and he no doubt has little use for cheap little trucks loaded with Ma Kettle type furniture either. “Natterless nabob,” I mumbled, ignoring him.
When he got out to gas up all had on was a tight t-shirt and he wasn’t even shivering. His boots cost more than my truck and his Texas two-step stereo cost more than most. None of those things matter through, it was his attitude that made him a first class nabob.
So I guess maybe you see why I do not want to be considered a nabob. If I have technically turned into one because of my wordy approach to the English language, I don’t know what I will do.
Start writing in monosyllables maybe.